My Not So Quarter Life Crisis

I remember sitting in my room when I was 22 years old. It was 2015, I was lost with no idea what to do or what path to follow. It was definitely night time, my thoughts were running wild and I couldn’t sleep.

And then, like a little fairy landed on my shoulder, an idea popped into my head…a stroke of creativity if you will…or maybe it was just a question.

AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO FEELS COMPLETELY LOST IN THE WORLD? LIKE I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE AND WAS SPIT OUT AND LEFT TO DRY?!

A moment later I picked up my computer, an original mac book pro, and started slapping away on the keyboard. I started a blog called “My Quarter Life Crisis.” This was for your 20-something year old who felt like [see above]. I felt compelled to share my thoughts and to put them down on paper in the hopes that it would resonate with at least one person out there.

I have always liked putting my thoughts on paper. When I was younger I would write short stories which were most likely crappy stories about a dog or cat. I always enjoyed reading, writing, and the like and TBH I always thought I was going to write a book about something…in addition to being a Veterinarian on the side. I guess I’ve just had times like this in the past, where this little fairy called an idea would land on my shoulder and I would feel compelled to bring it to life. And of course when I was a child I don’t think I cared about if people thought it was good or not.

In 2015, blogging had started to gain some traction. It certainly wasn’t as big as it is now. If I look back, the features on the blogging site I had chosen were simple, but almost to an archaic degree compared to the technology and features that you see on even the most simplest of applications and websites. I’m going on a tangent now, but basically, I thought to myself “why not?”

So I wrote a few blogs and posted them to Facebook so that my family and friends could check it out. I had some traction I thought! It seemed that each blog resonated with at least one person, which was the goal right? I know what you’re thinking – did this blog make it big?! What happened next?! Did it turn into a book deal?!

Haha no. The blog ended shortly thereafter. I guess I got involved in other minor things such as graduate school, a Yoga Teacher Training, and life. And it was becoming less constant to feel that constant stroke of creativity that kept my fingers moving across my keyboard. So I stopped.

In the years between then and now, I have had many fairies land on my shoulder. Some of them having to do with dreams about where to live, what career to follow, or more educational goals. But many fairies have been wildly similar as this first one, which are mostly about sharing my [what would be considered] fairly average life in the hopes that it will resonate with at least one person.

So today, a couple days after my 28th birthday I had this same exact fairy land on my shoulder. The same fairy as it was in 2015. Eerily similar circumstances, but not at the same time. I just scrolled through Instagram and did some stalking of who else, but myself (because isn’t that what everyone does around their birthday? No? Okay.) And in this moment, I can’t help but reflect on all the changes that have occurred in the last six years. The feeling of just wanting to share is too much to reside only in my head, so here my fingers are…flying across the keyboard.

This is getting rather long now, so I’ll end with this paragraph. In this moment, I no longer feel stuck. Or lost. I’m actually feeling the most content that I’ve ever felt in my entire life. You may be wondering at this point, “well what happened? What’s the secret?” The answer isn’t fancy or glamorous. I’ve just been doing the work. I’ve been doing the work to really look inward at my own habits and behaviors that have brought me to where I am today. I’ve taken time to recognize the things that are no longer serving me and to actually acknowledge what I really want. I have been working to notice where I’ve allowed shame, guilt, and unworthiness to take root in my life in service of truly letting those things go. In the process (which is ongoing), I have cultivated a higher form of self-love and an unwavering trust in the universe that allows me to really be in the present moment as opposed to just talking about it. Now, I’m not saying I have it all figured out or that my life is peaches and butterflies all the time but what I can say is that I know there was a reason “My Quarter Life Crisis” ended. There was a reason that I ran out of ideas and content and essentially let it fall away. It was to take that next step and to eventually land right here. Right here in this moment, I know that it was all part of the ongoing journey.

So is this the beginning of a chapter or the end of the one? Maybe it’s the middle? IDK but perhaps you’ll stick around to find out.

 Note: These are my thoughts from 7/6/2021. Shared and published 7/19/2021.